I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
