Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
