yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
