put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
