I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize