Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
