I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
