First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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