I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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