Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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