Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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