Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
