im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's never too late to be topless.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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