I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
