69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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