You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
