then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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