Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
