nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
