dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
