Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
