Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize