If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
