I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
