I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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