it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She bit a glass in half.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize