bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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