Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
