sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
