Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
