bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
