we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
