I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize