I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
