i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
