No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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