Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
