I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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