Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
