im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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