Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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