will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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