Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize