so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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