She went from zero to smokin in five shots
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
