very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
