i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I didn't notice because vodka
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
