Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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