Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize