I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
