I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
