It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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