I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
