so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
