That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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