I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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