I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
