GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
