im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
