I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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