I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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