3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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