Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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