what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
