Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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