he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
