If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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