went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
