So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
