"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
