just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
