At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
im six kinds of drunk right now
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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