Having a random hookup so left but love u
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
