Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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