I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize