You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
