Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
