Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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