Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
