put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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