No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
