if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
