I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
