The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
