party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
