im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
