We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
