I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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