Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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