Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
