And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
This is my gift to your gina
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
