Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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