she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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